In search of Delilah

Why? Why? Why?

I’ve been asking myself “why?” for 3 months solid.

3 months into our “French adventure” and I’ve often wondered why we ended up here in lockdown France, with no friends or family, no immediate income to match that of our Hong Kong lives and not really having a bloody clue what the next 6 months will look like.

Why did I choose to leave a place so dear to my heart, that I will love forever, in search of something totally knew and rather unknown?

Why did we leave a wonderful set of friends to sit pretty much alone as a couple for 3 months with no ability to plan on seeing anyone for the foreseeable?

Why, after having tried my hand at a start-up before that came so close, but cost me so much, have I decided to do it again? In rural France away from one of the world’s biggest financial centres?

Why have I encouraged my very successful wife to give up her career for something which I’d pitched as being rather different to what we have currently?

Why did I give up on my pursuit of vast sums of wealth in Asia and why did I no longer care that I was still so far from achieving it, to keep going?

Why did I give away a rather impressive collection of Hermes and Zegna ties that I’d spent years collecting and why the hell am I worrying so much about my Santoni shoes getting ruined in the mud of the Tarn et Garonne?

And why on earth did we move further away from those 5* Asian resorts that we had so fortunately become so accustomed to?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

After a week of roller-coaster emotions and as the weekend draws to a close (Or at least I think it’s the weekend?) I think I’ve found the answer in the most bizarre of places…..on a tractor, in a box, on a walk, in a Whatsapp chat and over a lockdown Friday “night in” curry night!

On Wednesday after a morning of working on our new start-up I was asked by our “landlord” Nick to go and help him cut down a fallen tree with his business partner in the grounds of our amazing gites complex and temporary home (www.lecoutillard.com). Hong Kong ‘me’, would have found a way out of that situation and blamed a host of other half baked reasons as to why I couldn’t lend my hand to such hard-labour. The ‘new” faux-French Ed, took on the challenge and jumped out of the cabin to go and pretend to be highly experienced in chain-sawing, chopping, heavy lifting and, as it was to be, driving a tractor without fear.

The camaraderie hit me like a shot of adrenalin. Clueless and trying to act useful I started lifting chopped logs into the trailer in my new pair of corduroy trousers which were the losers in the “which would be better to damage” limited wardrobe challenge. I loved every minute of it. There I was, with two other blokes I barely knew, with no tailored suit to hide behind or expensive tie around my neck, cracking half-decent jokes lifting logs as best I could.

When asked if I was ok to drive the tractor, the fear hit me in pretty much the same way as being asked to present to 300 people at a conference in the old life. Trying to figure out the clutch/brake/gear change combo was a bit like trying to get me to pat my head and rub my tummy, aged 10! But I managed it. More interesting though, is that the tractor was a Ferguson, made in 1949 in Coventry, my maternal home where my grandpa worked as a draughtsman designing radiators for CovRad/Standard. It’s hard to know for sure, but I’m certain that at aged 30 in 1949, he wouldn’t have been too far away from the tractor I was sat on.

Watching Nick on his property, managing his family’s business with the pride and effort he (and we) were putting in was a real moment of excitement for our new life. I’d certainly achieved something I don’t do very often at all and managed to hold my own without any “props” to hide behind, in clearing a 40 year old tree from the gardens, but life at that moment felt decidedly different and new. I felt a connection to two newing friends and my maternal roots in Coventry. Not bad for a day on lockdown and even more exciting that we were due to be signing our Compromis in a few days to start our own home building.

Later this week, a parcel arrived for both me and Nicola. As unexpected as it was, we opened it enthusiastically as most likely the main event of our day. Our mouths dropped and emotions got the better of us as a friend from Asia, now UK, had gratuitously sent us a parcel of happiness. A book each and some edible treats, quite simply to put a smile on our faces knowing that the last 3 months perhaps hadn’t been exactly as “easy” as we thought it would be.

A walk later that day made me reach out to a dear friend for a phone call, which turned into an hour’s catch up that I so rarely did in Hong Kong as our lives just got in the way. And earlier, I’d managed to entertain a friend in Hong Kong heading home on the ferry that we used to take, chatting like we were sat opposite each other in the China Bear (www.chinabear.com.hk) proving that distance is no barrier to friendships and the feeling of being connected. Calls with my mum, aunt, dad and mixed with various texts, photo sharing and this blog, for example, made me realise that connection is so important. Was the move away from Hong Kong down to no longer feeling connected or wanting to be closer to home?

As I wrapped up another week on our new-start up (www.yourboard.co ), I felt another huge sense of achievement. I wrote a LinkedIn post, got closer to signing our first “big” client (they are all big for a start-up) and felt like we were getting really close to it running without the choke, as the tractor did eventually. We are not drawing anything from the business at the moment, but my passion to make it work is higher than its been for a long time. My passion to make it work for us, in this new adventure, is higher than it was even when on a Hong Kong salary. I firmly believe that there is a need to make experience and knowledge accessible to all and in this case, SMEs. How we do that commercially has been key to the last few months of work but I can see the end goal and I know how to achieve it. What makes it even better is that I really care about it. Better still, I don’t need a Hermes tie to make it a success. But whatever it becomes, I’ve found an enlightened passion to make it work and continue doing something that is important to me. And provides for us in more ways than material.

So there we have it. The week is drawing to a close and after careful attention to the Covid rules, we arranged a celebratory dinner with Nick and Pippa for last night, made legal by the interpretation that we all effectively live together on the same property. The night was to celebrate me and Nicola signing the most important contract for our new house in France. Nicola worked all day to prepare a curry feast (including home made naan bread) and we wandered over, pots in hand, to our hosts after an aperitif in our cabin. We had a great night “out”, so rare of late in company, with laughter and stories, building new friendships that only compliment the friends that we have all over the world, who soon, will be able to come and visit us and share in the journey in our new home.

A week of satisfaction and connection. A week where Nicola and I have, again, grown in our relationship together as opposed to only in the moments between work and the conference calls of Hong Kong. We’ve changed lanes. Amidst the passion we have both found again, to do what we want to do and not hide behind things that we had to ask ourselves WHY we were doing them. We have found our why. We are realizing what is important to us and that the things we were pursuing before had meant that we had lost sight of it. Not because of our friends, or the network, or the jobs, but because we had lost the why. We’ll do our own 1:1 meetings, or 360s. We’ll figure it out together, working on what’s important to us. We’ll probably even give ourselves promotions. I’m gunning for Chief Tractor Driver. Because it’s not the Hermes tie that will save you. Or the size of the log you lift that will make you. It’s the heart that you put into it. It’s the passion. It’s the connection. And it’s more importantly the growth. And I think we had taken all we could from that wonderful place that I shall always feel is a part of “home”. We are on a new journey and I for one, no longer need to ask myself why…….I’ve found our raison d’etres.

I’m off to buy a baguette.

A bientot.